Guilt-Tripping

I wasn’t sure how to answer this one. I’m a bit of an introvert. If I don’t have tight relationships with most people, bad personality traits don’t bother me much. They might even be a source of amusement 😀. But I have had some bad experiences with difficult people from time to time. I myself would probably just avoid them. But it worries me when they might cause problems for others.

Or, you might have someone who doesn’t want to be a burden on their family as they get older, so they choose to attach themselves to someone in the fellowship and expect them to look after them instead. Now, someone might be happy to take such a person on. But people should be free to say yes or no without being made to feel guilty.

It might sound as if I’m not a very compassionate person. Maybe I’m not. But my thinking is that the main aim of a fellowship is to gather together for worship and for mutual encouragement. People should feel free to come and choose their level of involvement. It’s true that we are called to love our neighbour or let our light shine, but it should be we ourselves who decide how we do this, not some bossy person who wants us to be a pawn on their chessboard 😀. I’ve known many people over the years who wouldn’t be into “volunteering” as such, but who have worked hard, paid their taxes and who’ve been very helpful in all sorts of ways.

And I see nothing wrong with being on the lookout for bossy and manipulative people and avoiding or confronting them. Jesus confronted the Pharisees about their domineering attitude towards other Jewish people. Paul did likewise with respect to the Judaizers in Galatians. And he also gave warnings about people taking advantage of church people by trying to guilt them into doing favours.

2 Thess 3:6-10
In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, we command you, brothers and sisters, to keep away from every believer who is idle and disruptive and does not live according to the teaching you received from us. ⁷ For you yourselves know how you ought to follow our example. We were not idle when we were with you, ⁸ nor did we eat anyone’s food without paying for it. On the contrary, we worked night and day, laboring and toiling so that we would not be a burden to any of you. ⁹ We did this, not because we do not have the right to such help, but in order to offer ourselves as a model for you to imitate. ¹⁰ For even when we were with you, we gave you this rule: “The one who is unwilling to work shall not eat.”

And people in need, such as elderly widows, were carefully scrutinized and prioritized. Paul states that those who try to offload their elderly relatives on the church are worse than unbelievers, suggesting that even in Roman times, gentiles took responsibility for caring for their relatives. But you’ll always get some that are happy to take advantage of churches or public-spirited people and consume resources that should be used for those truly in need.

1 Timothy 5:8-10
Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. ⁹ No widow may be put on the list of widows unless she is over sixty, has been faithful to her husband, ¹⁰ and is well known for her good deeds, such as bringing up children, showing hospitality, washing the feet of the Lord’s people, helping those in trouble and devoting herself to all kinds of good deeds.

In my experience, mature church leaders generally don’t practice guilt-tripping. They might start something and make some general appeal, or they might ask you if you’d be interested in getting involved in something or other. But perhaps they know from experience that if you start hounding people and start making heavy demands on people’s time and money, you’ll end up alienating people, and they simply won’t come to church. People already have a lot to contend with in their work and family life. Immature Christian leaders or self-appointed bossy church members don’t always realize this.

People sometimes use Scripture in their guilt-tripping. For example, there’s the story of this widow who had very little and gave all she had:

Matt:12: 41-44
“But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins, worth only a few cents. ⁴³ Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, “Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. ⁴⁴ They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on.”

Jesus was expressing admiration for her generosity, as we all would. But you could imagine some greedy Christian leader pointing to this and telling people to put all the money they have into the collection box. Jesus wants them to do so 😀.

The way that I see it is that most of us are broadly aware of what God wants us to do. Love him with all our heart, soul, mind and strength and love our neighbour as ourselves. We all fall short, which is why we need a Saviour. We are called to trust in him, and to strive to live Godly lives. But it is we ourselves who decide how and when to implement this at home, at work and in broader society. Sometimes, churches have a tendency to build their empires by trying to get maximum bang for their buck out of everyone who attends – or should I say, maximum bang and maximum bucks 😀. It is important that churches have funding and that some people help out on a voluntary basis. But churches shouldn’t primarily focus on how useful those attending can be to them in worldly terms. And people attending church shouldn’t primarily focus on how useful church people can be to them in worldly terms.

As an evangelical Christian, I’d always want to primarily point people to Jesus rather than evangelicalism. Like any other movement, it can be a mixed bag. Maybe you could compare it to socialism. You might admire Helen Keller, who was a socialist, but that doesn’t mean that you need to admire Pol Pot or Stalin😀. Even in New Testament times, there were plenty of dodgy characters around the churches. We are encouraged to attend church, but that doesn’t mean that we need to become enslaved by bossy or clingy people.

Gal 1:5
“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.”

Another thing is that someone might be silly and annoying, but they might be useful and helpful in other respects. I think of the parable of the Good Samaritan. I might see bossy people like the Jews saw Samaritans, but who knows. That bossy, annoying person might be the first person to jump into the water if I was drowning 😀. And I’m sure that I’ve been quite bossy and annoying at times myself.

I’ll close with two secular songs. Ticket to Heaven is rightly critical of dodgy greedy TV evangelists. Maybe nowadays, such criticism would be directed at certain megachurch leaders. And Spiritual Walkers expressed admiration for sincere people who spread the faith. I’ve known many delightful church people who were zealous and active without being bossy and without having big egos 😀.